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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26771710">Of rings, guns and innocence</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katgotyourtongue/pseuds/Katgotyourtongue'>Katgotyourtongue</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gintama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alluring Hijikata, Everybody wants him lol, Gintoki loves Hijikata, Hijikata loves Gintoki alot too, Hope you can give it a try if the tags are ok with you, Light descriptions of violence, M/M, Manipulation, Not Harada kind of dark I mean, Obsession, Please read AN anyway, Protective Gintoki, Protective Hijikata, Serial Killer, Sex Toys, Stalking, Still, alot, brief mention of past physical assault, but NO explicit/graphic descriptions of violence or rape, implied sex (GinHiji), rape and assault are NOT by Gintoki, references to murder, trying to be adventurous with my fics, very brief mention of past rape/sexual assault</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:55:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,491</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26771710</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katgotyourtongue/pseuds/Katgotyourtongue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Toushirou’s stops breathing. His hand shakes. He drops the newspaper.</p><p>Gintoki. He needs Gintoki. He needs a cigarette. Heneedsgintoki. Heneedsheneedshenee- </p><p>“Toushirou?” </p><p>“...”</p><p>“Toshi? Come back to me.” </p><p>Toushirou snaps back as he feels warm hands cup his face. </p><p>“Gintoki, it happened again…” <br/>----------------</p><p>Hijikata has a stalker and he tries to put the pieces together. </p><p>Please read tags and A/N</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Of rings, guns and innocence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! I’m excited to post this bonus fic on top of my current ongoing one. :)</p><p>Those of you who like my other works (which are mostly sexy, angsty and fluffy), please take care with this one! It’s not a super crazy dark fic, meaning it’s not like Harada’s level or anything. But it’s still different. There are NO explicit or graphic descriptions of murder/rape etc...but there are a few mentions of it, and some violence. Might contain uncomfortable themes.</p><p>I didn’t tag everything above to avoid heavy spoilers, but for those who want to take extra caution, additional tags are in my END NOTES (WITH SPOILERS). </p><p>If you’re still here, I hope you like it. ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toushirou feels the warmth of light on his face. </p><p>Is it morning already? </p><p>He sits up, oversized shirt falling off his shoulder as he rubs his eyes and stretches lazily. He feels a familiar, pleasant ache between his legs. He smiles, memories of last night flooding in. </p><p>“Ohoh, is his highness finally awake? Never thought I’d see my vice-commander wake up after me.”</p><p>
  <em> My vice-commander.  </em>
</p><p>Toushirou turns towards the voice and sees Gintoki leaning against the door. He trails his eyes all over his fiancé, taking in chiseled abs and broad shoulders. </p><p>He thinks of last night, when strong arms and bulging biceps lifted him effortlessly. When powerful thighs thrusted into him relentlessly as Toushirou wrapped his lean, but equally strong thighs around the other man’s waist to pull him closer as he buried his hands into soft silver hair, refusing to let go. </p><p>He feels heat rise up in him as he meets amused red eyes. </p><p>“...Ex-vice commander...” he answers, pulling his shirt up his shoulder. </p><p>“Are you ever going to return my shirt?” </p><p>Toushirou huffs, “It’s mine now.” He likes wearing Gintoki’s shirts. They are large and comfortable and made him feel <em> safe </em>. </p><p>Gintoki chuckles and gets into bed, pulling Toushirou down with him. Toushirou was about to protest, but it’s not like there’s anywhere for him to be anyway. He cuddles into Gintoki’s chest, reluctantly enjoying soft touches in his hair. </p><p>He gently traces over the scar that runs right above Gintoki’s heart, feeling regret run through him. Gintoki hugs him tighter, tucking Toushirou’s head under his chin, “It’s not your fault.” </p><p>“It is.” </p><p>“No, I don’t have any regrets. This scar is proof that I love you more than life itself.” </p><p>“You shouldn’t.” </p><p>Gintoki sighs, “You would have done the same.” </p><p>“...yeah.” </p><p>“You shouldn’t.” </p><p>“Oi! Don’t throw my own words back at me,” Toushirou huffs and turns around. </p><p>Gintoki laughs, cuddling Toushirou from the back, stroking his belly absently, “I will never regret taking the bullet for you.”</p><p>Toushirou leaned into his touch, feeling sleepy. “Then you’re an idiot,” he mumbles. </p><p>“You are the one who decided to marry this idiot,” Gintoki teases. </p><p>“Is it too late to back out now?” </p><p>“Yes. But if you pay me 300 yen I’ll consider it.” </p><p>Toushirou closes his eyes, “I’m divorcing you.”</p><p>“You won’t.” </p><p>“...I won’t.” </p><p>Gintoki grips Toushirou’s hand. Toushirou gazes at the rings on their entwined fingers, the silver reflecting the strip of sunlight that snuck in through the curtains, a comforting reminder of their engagement.</p><p>He falls asleep.   </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The alarm goes off and Toushirou startles awake. </p><p>12pm. Fuck. He never used to sleep in this late. Being jobless is slowly turning him into a slob like Gintoki. </p><p>He gets out of bed, frowning at the sticky feeling from the previous night. Toushirou goes around picking up the various sex toys scattered around the room, irritated that Gintoki left for work without cleaning up again. </p><p>He picks up a rather large dildo and blushes. Was this seriously inside him last night? </p><p>No wonder he can’t walk without a limp now. He made up his mind to ban Gintoki from sex the next few days for convincing him that sticking a giant dildo up his ass was a good idea. </p><p>Well. It’s not <em> bad, </em> considering that the dildo is a mould of Gintoki’s, but he still prefers taking Gintoki’s actual cock and not some fake dick clone.  </p><p>He steps into the shower and turns it on, washing away all evidence of last night. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After a nice, hot shower, Toushirou throws on another one of Gintoki’s shirts and steps outside to pick up the newspaper. </p><p>He sees the neighbour, Yamazaki, watering his plants. </p><p>“Hijikata-san, good morn-ah-should I say afternoon?”</p><p>“Yamazaki-san, it’s a no,” Toushirou replies.  </p><p>“So mean, Hijikata-san. I haven’t even asked you yet,” Yamazaki teases. </p><p>“Yet.” </p><p>“Ah, you caught me. As expected of Hijikata-san. Will you ever say yes to one of my dinner dates?”</p><p>Toushirou rubs his temples and sighs, “Yamazaki-san, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I have a fiancé.” </p><p>“As long as you’re not married…” </p><p>“We’re engaged.”</p><p>“Engaged isn’t married.”</p><p>“You’re not going to give up, are you?” </p><p>Toushirou feels Yamazaki’s eyes trail up his body. He shivers at the leering gaze. </p><p>Yamazaki’s eyes linger on his exposed thighs, “How can I give up on a beauty like you, Hijikata-san?” </p><p>Toushirou feels slimy, and exposed. </p><p>Then he feels relief and warmth when he sees Gintoki step out of the lift, walking towards him. </p><p><em> He feels safe. </em> </p><p>Toushirou sees Gintoki’s gaze darken when he notices Yamazaki eyeing his half naked boyfriend again. He grabs Toushirou around the waist and glares at Yamazaki. “Oi, this is my last warning. Stay away from him,” Gintoki growls. </p><p>“You know, Hijikata-san, after you get married, you will be even more appealing. An unattainable beauty.”</p><p>Toushirou feels Gintoki’s rage rising. “Yamazaki-san, I would appreciate it if you respect me and my husband,” Toushirou replies curtly and pulls Gintoki back into his house, slamming the door.    </p><p>“Gintoki. Relax, nothing happened.” Toushirou runs his hand up and down Gintoki’s chest, trying to soothe his agitated fiancé. </p><p>Gintoki growls, “I can’t stand him, that sleazy bastard. One day-” </p><p>“One day we are going to get married and I’ll move out of this place. With you.”</p><p>Gintoki lives in a small, shared apartment, not a place Toushirou can move into, so Gintoki stays over at Toushirou’s place most of the time. </p><p>The two had combined their savings to purchase a discounted apartment to move into, but they can only get the apartment a month later, after they get married. </p><p>Toushirou sighs, he can’t wait to get married and move out of this place to live with Gintoki. </p><p>
  <em> To get away from all the bad memories.  </em>
</p><p>Gintoki kisses him. “I promise I’ll protect you this time.”</p><p>“You protected me last time.” </p><p>“It wasn’t enough.” </p><p>“It’s enough for me.” </p><p>Gintoki remains silent.</p><p>Toushirou continues, “Besides, Yamazaki is all talk. Just a normal perverted jerk. He’s not like...<em> him </em>.”  </p><p>Toushirou hates thinking about him. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Toushirou.”</p><p>Toushirou looks up at Gintoki in question. </p><p>“I shouldn’t have brought it up.” </p><p>Oh. </p><p>“No, it’s...better. I’m better. The sessions help. And...you make me better,” Toushirou replies as he wraps his arms around Gintoki’s neck. Gintoki automatically holds his waist.</p><p>They stay like this for almost a minute.</p><p>“Okay, moment over. Let me go, I’m done with you. I want to read the newspaper,” Toushirou pulls away. </p><p>“Hah? Who’s the one holding on to me like a koala?” </p><p>“You’re imagining things,” Toushirou waves him off. </p><p>“Oi! I get no respect in this household...” Gintoki mutters as he heads to the shower.  </p><p>Toushirou smirks, and opens up the newspaper. A piece of paper drops out. </p><p>A handwritten note. </p><p>
  <b> <em>Page 2. One less person to worry about. I love you, Toushirou. </em> </b>
</p><p>Not again. With shaking hands, he turns to page 2. </p><p>
  <b>"32-year old man shot to death, MO determined to be similar to the last 5 murders. Police have now classified the latest murders as part of a serial killing."</b>
</p><p>Toushirou’s stops breathing. His hand shakes. He drops the newspaper.</p><p>
  <em> Gintoki. He needs Gintoki. He needs a cigarette. Heneedsgintoki. Heneedsheneedshenee-  </em>
</p><p>“Oi, Mayora!”</p><p>“...”</p><p>“Toushirou?” </p><p>“...”</p><p>“Toshi? Come back to me.” </p><p>Toushirou snaps back as he feels warm hands cup his face. </p><p>“Gintoki,” he tears up, “It happened again…” </p><p>Gintoki looks at the article and his face hardens. </p><p>“Isn’t this the guy that was following you around the past week?” </p><p>“...Yeah. But he didn’t deserve to die like that.”</p><p>“You sure?” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“How do we know that he wasn’t going to do anything to you? Anyone who follows you around like that is a stalker. With him gone, I have one less person to protect you from.” </p><p>
  <em> One less person.  </em>
</p><p>“Gintoki! That doesn’t mean I want a serial killer stalking me. This guy stalked me, but the last 5, all they did was ask me out. They don’t deserve to die for liking me.” </p><p>“I’m the only one who can like-like you,” Gintoki pouted. </p><p>“Stop being childish.” </p><p>“If I’m a child, you’re a criminal for like-liking me.” </p><p>Toushirou looks at him, deadpan, “I’m seriously leaving you.” </p><p>“No you’re not, you can never leave me,” Gintoki whines, clinging to Toushirou. </p><p>“Ugh. Get off you parasite.” </p><p>“No” </p><p>Toushirou giggles and ruffles Gintoki hair, “You’re so annoying.” </p><p>“You love me.” </p><p>“...I do.” </p><p>Gintoki kisses his cheek and remains silent. </p><p>“Gintoki, what are we going to do?”</p><p>He feels Gintoki’s grip tighten, “I told you, I’ll protect you.” </p><p>“I can’t Gintoki. I can’t see you get hurt again. Please.” </p><p>“I won’t. I promise.” </p><p>Toushirou doesn’t reply. Gintoki is lazy about a lot of things, but once he decides to protect someone, there’s no changing his mind. His fiancé has a selfless soul and Toushirou wishes his boyfriend would let himself be more selfish. </p><p>A thought strikes him, “Hey, why did you come back home? Don’t you have work?” </p><p>“My Toshi senses were tingling. Baa-san let me take an early break.” </p><p>Toushirou smacks Gintoki. “Oi. Are you using me as an excuse to slack off?” </p><p>“I’m the love of your life. Be nice to me. Anyway, I need to go back to work. I just spilled some of that old lady’s drink on myself so I came back to shower and change.” </p><p>With that, Gintoki walks over to the door. </p><p>Toushirou rolls his eyes as he follows him, “I’m surprised Otose-san hasn’t fired you yet.” </p><p>“Everyone loves Gin-san, losing my charm will only cause her to lose money.”</p><p>“Charm my ass.” </p><p>“I’ve already charmed your sexy ass,” Toushirou jumps as Gintoki chooses that moment to give his ass a squeeze as he opens the door, “That’s my greatest achievement in life.” </p><p>“What a useless life,” Toushirou snarks as they step out. </p><p>His mood sinks as he sees Yamazaki still watering his plants. The man brightens as soon as he sees Toushirou.</p><p>Seriously? How long does it take to water some fucking plants? He feels Gintoki tense up beside him.</p><p>“Hey, I’ll be fine,” Toushirou reassures.  </p><p>“I know. Call me if anything comes up okay?” </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>Toushirou watches Gintoki leave. </p><p>“Hijikata-san.” </p><p>Toushirou sighs, “What now?” </p><p>Yamazaki turns bright red, “Um...Hijikata-san,  I want to thank you for helping me that day. I-I have two tickets to the new movie coming out. <em> Gintama: The Final </em>. Have you watched that anime before? Wou-would you like to go with me?” </p><p>“Yamazaki-san, I’m taken,” Toushirou replies and goes back into the apartment, pulling out his cigarettes and lighting one up. </p><p>He exhales a drag of smoke and shakes his head, what will it take for that man to give up? </p><p>He adds the stalker’s note to the growing stash. He thinks about going to the police, but...he doesn’t trust them. He may have been a cop once, but after what happened to him, after Gintoki—a civilian—got shot, Toushirou lost faith in the system. </p><p>As he closes the box of stalker letters, he notices something. </p><p>Huh. The handwriting looks familiar.   </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Hijikata Toushirou, ex-vice commander of the police force. Highly respected in the profession and was set to take over as commander after Kondo Isao’s retirement. Quit his job one year ago under unknown circumstances.” </p><p>Toushirou looks up from his book and raises his eyebrow at the man in front of him. </p><p>“Excuse me?” </p><p>“Investigative journalist,” the man says as he invites himself to take the seat opposite Toushirou.</p><p>The man’s gaze flickers over to his ring finger, “Ah, I see you’re engaged now. Who’s the unlucky soul?”</p><p>Well, there goes his peaceful morning. All Toushirou wants to do is enjoy his morning at a cafe with a book, and an idiot decides to ruin it.</p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>“Answers. I’m a curious person. I found my true calling and went into investigative journalism after I got fired thanks to a certain vice-commander.” </p><p>“...”</p><p>“Seriously? You don’t remember? Itou Kamotarou. The man whose life you ruined.”  </p><p>Ah. Itou. Now he remembers.</p><p>Toushirou responds, “You planned an uprising within the police force because you wanted to be commander, instead of working for the position. I found out, you and your lackeys got fired. You ruined your own life because you were power hungry. Kondo was nice enough not to pursue this further. If you push me, I may not be so kind and you will be in jail.” </p><p>“Relax, that’s not what I’m here about. I told you, I’m a journalist now. I think I’ve found my calling.” </p><p>“Good for you. Can you leave?” </p><p>“Ah. You see, I’m here for some answers. You disappeared for almost 2 months last year, right?” </p><p>Toushirou stiffens. He avoids Itou’s piercing gaze, turning his focus to the ring Itou wore, its gold glistening in the sunlight.</p><p>Itou continues, “I was already out of the police force, but I know you disappeared for 2 months. Then one day you came back and quit your job.” </p><p>Toushirou cuts in, “Is that all you’re here for? I had private matters to deal with that time. That’s all.” </p><p>“No no, of course not. Be patient.” Then Itou pulls out 6 photos. His ring clinks on the table as he slams the photos down. </p><p>Toushirou’s heart races. No…</p><p>Itou smirks, “Recognise them, Hijikata? I’m sure you’ve seen the news. These men were killed by a gun. All of them male, aged 27-40, shot straight through the heart with a police issued firearm. It takes a certain kind of talent to get a shot at the exact spot every single time.”</p><p>Toushirou thinks of Gintoki’s scar.</p><p>“Yes, I’ve seen the news. There are no leads yet and the people are getting uneasy.” </p><p>“The <em> police </em>don’t have leads. I’ve been following you around, Hijikata. Sorry, it’s part of my job.”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure that’s not how investigative journalism works.” </p><p>“Ah, you see, I can’t shake off my detective background. So that...influences my work. You want to know something that’s common between these men?”</p><p>“...”</p><p>“They have all pursued you at least 2 weeks before their death.” </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Toushirou rushes home. His conversation with Itou left him reeling. </p><p>
  <em> He suspects me. He thinks I’m the killer?! </em>
</p><p>Toushirou knows he should have gone to the police with the letters he has been receiving from the stalker. Now it was too late. Presenting the evidence would look staged to Itou who already suspected him. </p><p>Fuck. He slams the door. </p><p>“Toshi?” Gintoki peeks out from the kitchen. </p><p>“You’re back early. Don’t slack off, lazy ass.” </p><p>“So mean. I took half-day off to surprise you and this is the thanks I get? Ahhh, the tragedy of living with an unappreciative husband, woe is me,” Gintoki whines, even placing his flour covered hand on his forehead for the dramatic effect.</p><p>Toushirou feels his lips tug up in a smile, “Stop being a drama queen. What are you making?” </p><p>“Dango. Want some?” </p><p>“Mm. With mayo.” </p><p>“Gross.”</p><p>“OI! You want to fight?!”</p><p>Just like that, Toushirou forgets his troubles as he bickers with his fiancé. </p><p>Gintoki makes him better.  </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Hey Gintoki?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Remember you told me that you used to be a competitive shooter? What kind of gun was it?”</p><p>He hears Gintoki laugh from the bathroom, “I thought you of all people would know. I used to shoot a pistol, similar model to your police firearm. How can you forget that? Didn’t you agree to go out with me because I won the shooting competition you challenged me to?”</p><p>“...”</p><p>Gintoki peeks his fluffy silver head out, “What’s wrong?” </p><p>Toushirou shakes off his feeling of unease,  “Nothing. You’re taking too long. Just come to bed and fuck me already.”</p><p>“Aren’t you going to romance Gin-san? Put on a sexy striptease to get little Gin-san in the mood?”</p><p>“I don’t need you getting all excited too early and lasting only 10 seconds.”</p><p>“Romance is dead with you. It’s not my fault you’re so sexy that it takes a lot of control to last long.”</p><p>Toushirou gets onto his knees, “If you come here in the next 5 seconds, I’ll suck you off.” </p><p>He smiles as Gintoki trips over himself in his haste to get to the bed.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Toushirou hears the doorbell ring. </p><p>Gintoki is lying on the bed next to him, nudging him to answer the door. Why is he in love with that lazy man? He smiles to himself. </p><p>He opens the door, and his smile drops. </p><p>“Itou.” </p><p>“Can I come in?”</p><p>“This is an invasion of privacy.”</p><p>“Ah, don’t say that. I’m just here to visit an old colleague,” Itou stepped inside.</p><p>“How do you know where I live?” </p><p>“Investigative-”</p><p>“Journalist. Yeah I know. That doesn’t give you a free pass to stalk me.” </p><p>Itou looks at him straight in the eyes as he says, “And of course, you know what it’s like to be stalked, don’t you?”   </p><p>Toushirou feels the room temperature dip as Itou stares at him. </p><p>
  <em> He’s hiding something from you. </em>
</p><p>He jerks backwards as Itou comes closer, too close, “What’s your secret, Hijikata?” </p><p>
  <em> Gintoki… </em>
</p><p>A voice booms, “What’s going on?” </p><p>Toushirou feels relief when he hears Gintoki’s voice. </p><p>“Nothing’s wrong, Gintoki. Itou here was just leaving.” </p><p>Something flashes in Itou’s eyes. Realisation? </p><p>
  <em> No, anger.  </em>
</p><p>Itou drums his fingers on the table, once again drawing Toushirou’s attention to his ring. “Hmm. I’ll see you again,” Itou says, and Toushirou’s eyes snap back up to his face. Itou turns around  to leave, not taking his eyes off Toushirou. </p><p>One Itou is gone, Toushirou feels his body sag in relief. </p><p>Gintoki starts, “That man, he was there with us at the shooting competition that day, right? With the other guys from your police unit? I can never tell whether he wants to kill you or fuck you.” </p><p>Toushirou freezes as he realises... </p><p>Gintoki continues, “Don’t open the door for him next time, okay? Especially when I’m not here.” </p><p>
  <em> Wasn’t Itou awarded a pistol marksmanship the year before he got fired?   </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Hijikata.”</p><p>Not again. At least they’re in public. Toushirou thinks about moving to a different cafe. With a stalker around, he needs to break his pattern. </p><p>“One year ago,” Itou starts. </p><p>“Stop.”</p><p>“Look, I need to-”</p><p>
  <em> No. </em>
</p><p>“STOP!”</p><p>Toushirou’s mind is silent. He doesn’t want to remember. </p><p>“I want to help.” </p><p>“You accused me of being a serial killer and now you want to help?” </p><p>“Look, I found out what happened a year ago. I’m sorry.” </p><p>
  <em> He’s lying. Tell him the truth, see how he reacts.  </em>
</p><p>“Itou. What happened a year ago isn’t important. That man who took me is dead. I-There is someone following me around. Again. He-or she-has been sending me letters.” </p><p>
  <em> Sending me letters after murdering the men who hit on me.  </em>
</p><p>“And you didn’t tell anyone?” </p><p>“Gintoki knows.” </p><p>Itou raises his brows, “Gintoki? Sakata Gintoki? But-” </p><p>“Yes, he’s my fiancé.”  </p><p>Itou opens his mouth, as if about to say something, then closes it.</p><p>
  <em> He knows something.  </em>
</p><p>“Itou-”</p><p>“Hijikata. There’s something I need to check. I’ll find you again.” </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The doorbell rings. Toushirou jumps. </p><p>“You’ve been jumpy lately.” </p><p>Toushirou huffs, “YOU try having a serial killer stalker and an investigative journo tailing your ass everyday.” </p><p>Gintoki frowns, “That journalist is still following you around?” </p><p>“He keeps popping up everywhere.” </p><p>“Hmm.” </p><p>The doorbell rings again. Toushirou checks the peephole this time. Kondo and Sougo.</p><p>
  <em> They’re safe.  </em>
</p><p>He opens the door. “Toshi!” “Hijikata-san.” </p><p>Kondo sweeps Toushirou up in a bear hug, lifting him off his feet.</p><p>“Oi! Let me down you gorilla!”</p><p>“Please don’t crush my fiancé, Gorilla-san. We still need to get married.” </p><p>“Let me hug my best friend! We haven’t seen you for so long! Why didn’t you come to visit us?” Kondo whines. </p><p>“Don’t misunderstand, Hijikata-san, I’m here because Kondo-san keeps whining about you not being around.” </p><p>
  <em> Still a brat I see. I miss them.  </em>
</p><p>Toushirou rolls his eyes and invites them in. </p><p>Kondo sits up on the sofa, “Toshi, I want to tell you this because you’re one of my closest friends...”</p><p>“You didn’t even last 5 minutes, Kondo-san,” Sougo comments.</p><p>“I’m leaving the police force,” Kondo breathes out. </p><p>“What?! Why? Is it because of-”</p><p>“What?!” Gintoki exclaims at the same time. </p><p>“No no. Toshi, please don’t blame yourself. I’m leaving because Otae is pregnant now, and I don’t want my family to wonder if I’m going to come home everyday.” </p><p>Gintoki looks at Kondo suspiciously, “Yeah, did you con her into it?”</p><p>Toushirou raises an eyebrow, “How did you trick her into carrying your child?”</p><p>“Toshiii! Why does everyone ask the same thing?! Does no one believe that Otae and I love each other and want to start a family? We’ve been married for 3 years!” </p><p>“And you still follow her around like a puppy,” Gintoki comments. </p><p>Toushirou sips his beer. “Sougo, have you and China finally started dating yet or are you guys still trying to kill each other?”</p><p>The room goes silent. </p><p>“Ah, Kagura...she needs some time to deal with what happened last year. We’ve decided to hold off dating for now.” </p><p>
  <em> What happened last year? You mean… </em>
</p><p>“Why is she upset with you? I’m the one who was kidnapped and got his boyfriend shot.” </p><p><em> The scar on his chest reminds me everyday. Does Kagura hate me for getting her family hurt?  </em> </p><p>He hears Kondo take in a sharp breath. Gintoki holds his hand.  </p><p>
  <em> It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.  </em>
</p><p>Kondo cuts in, “Toshi…we didn’t-”</p><p>“No, she never blamed you for getting kidnapped. It’s just too soon for us to start a relationship after that.” </p><p>“You know she loves you, Toushirou. You’re family,” Gintoki adds. </p><p>“...Yeah.” </p><p>Kondo’s mobile phone chimes, breaking the sombre silence in the room. </p><p>“Ah, Otae wants me back home now, she’s been so clingy since the pregnancy” Kondo declares after checking his phone. </p><p>“You mean she has even more reason to treat you like a servant,” Gintoki chimes in. Toushirou sniggers. </p><p>“I’ll go with you, Kondo-san,” Sougo says. </p><p>“Oh! Wait here, I almost forgot,” Toushirou says. He rushes into the bedroom and pulls out the card and wedding gift he and Gintoki had prepared for Kondo and Otae, but didn’t end up giving as they had to miss the wedding. </p><p>He opens the card with only his message. Ah! He forgot to ask Gintoki to write in the card when he bought it. </p><p>But it will take too long to ask Gintoki to write now. Toushirou bites his lip, thinking. </p><p>Ah, whatever, he’ll just write on behalf of Gintoki. They are pretty much married anyway, and married couples usually write just one message on behalf of each other, right? Not like Gintoki is going to write anything worthwhile anyway. So Toushirou picks up the pen and writes, changing his style to copy Gintoki’s writing as he’s done many times, and signs off as his fiancé. </p><p>He quickly rushes back to the rest. </p><p>“Kondo!” Toushirou hands the gift and card over to his precious friend. “Congratulations on your marriage to Otae-san, Kondo.” </p><p>A teary eyed Kondo engulfs Toushirou in another hug, “Toshi, you’re amazing!”</p><p>Toushirou blushes.</p><p>They walk over to the door.</p><p>“Toshi, please reply to my messages more? I miss you so much and...we’re all worried about you. Are you still seeing that therapist?” </p><p>Toushirou shakes his head, “I went for a few months, then I felt better so I stopped.” </p><p>
  <em> Gintoki makes me better.  </em>
</p><p>“...If you need someone to talk to, I’m here, okay? Toshi, please. I promise I’ll be here.” </p><p>“Tsk. You’re having a baby soon, go and spend your energy on that.”</p><p>“Ah don’t worry about that, I have enough of myself to go around.”</p><p>“That sounds disgusting. Go home.” </p><p>Toushirou looks at them as they walk away. “Kondo-san, Sougo,” he calls out, “Gintoki and I are doing well, okay? Don’t worry about us,” he assures.  </p><p>He smiles and shuts the door, shaking his head fondly at the perpetual blank look on Sougo’s face. </p><p>That kid just never changes that expression of his unless he’s tricking someone.</p><p>Toushirou gets ready for bed, heart feeling light. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Toushirou wakes up alone. He panics. </p><p>He hears the shower running. Gintoki is here. His heart calms. </p><p>He doesn’t want to be alone. The nightmare...he can’t remember it now, but he just doesn’t want to be alone. </p><p>He steps into the shower and sneaks up behind Gintoki. </p><p>“I can feel your presence sneaking up behind me, pervert.” </p><p>Gintoki turns and his eyes widen in surprise. “Why are you still wearing your clothes in the shower? Come here.” </p><p>Gintoki tugs Toushirou towards him and Toushirou follows, leaning on his fiancé. </p><p>“Another nightmare?” </p><p>Toushirou nods, nuzzling his face into Gintoki’s neck. </p><p>He feels Gintoki gently strip off his wet clothes, placing soft kisses on exposed skin.</p><p>He whispers, “I’ll protect you,” in Toushirou’s ear.    </p><p>Toushirou relaxes into his touch. </p><p>Only Gintoki. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>He steps outside only to see Yamazaki leering at him again.  </p><p>Gintoki steps out next to him. </p><p>“Hijikata-san, you look great today too!” </p><p>Toushirou holds Gintoki’s arm firmly, stopping him from jumping the guy on the spot. </p><p>“Oi, it’s fine. I can take care of myself. Just go.” </p><p>Gintoki huffs and turns to leave, glaring as he walks over to the lift. </p><p>There’s something off about the glare. Toushirou shudders. </p><p>Just as Gintoki’s lift closes, the 2nd lift opens. Itou steps out, smirking at Toushirou. </p><p>Toushirou sighs. This is going to be one of those annoying days again. </p><p>“Hijikata-kun~”</p><p>“Stop. I just dealt with a pervert, now I have to deal with you too.”</p><p>“Pervert?”</p><p>“My neighbour, the one you saw earlier.” </p><p>“Hmm,” is all Itou says as his face darkens. </p><p>Toushirou feels his hackles raise.</p><p><em> He’s a liar. </em> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The next morning, Toushirou walks out to collect the newspaper again. He braces himself for leering eyes as he steps out-</p><p>Oh. Yamazaki is not there today. </p><p>Toushirou grabs the newspaper and walks back in, feeling unsettled. </p><p>He should feel relieved, right? No leering eyes to deal with first thing in the day. </p><p>Then why does he feel a pit in his stomach? Something feels off. </p><p>He hears someone shuffle outside his door.</p><p>The doorbell rings. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>He’s dead. Yamazaki is dead. </p><p>Toushirou’s hands shake. The police had left after asking him the standard questions. He tried asking them how Yamazaki died, but the officers were tight lipped. </p><p>But Toushirou knows. </p><p>He smokes a cigarette, it calms him down. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>His hands shake as he stares at the newspaper outside his house the next day. He refuses to pick it up and walks back in. </p><p>Toushirou sits on the couch and pulls out a cigarette. He’s too nervous to even light it up, so he just chews on the end of the stick, closing his eyes, willing himself to relax. </p><p>He opens his eyes and takes a deep breath, steeling himself. He steps outside again and picks the newspaper up. Almost immediately, an envelope falls out. </p><p>Toushirou lets out a shaky breath as he picks it up, closing the door behind him. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Page 1. I got rid of another one for you. I love you, Toushirou.  &lt;3 </em> </b>
</p><p>Even without the page number, Toushirou would have found it. After all, Yamazaki’s murder is on the front page. He stands up, about to place the letter in his box and throw away the envelope, but when he picks it up he pauses. </p><p>
  <em> There’s something else?  </em>
</p><p>He turns the envelope over and the item drops out. </p><p>Toushirou’s blood runs cold. </p><p>A ring. </p><p>
  <em> Itou’s ring. </em>
</p><p>He rushes to the phone. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> Gintoki! I need to tell him. The letter with the proposal. Itou’s ring in the envelope. It’s been Itou all along!  </em>
</p><p>“Yes?” </p><p>“Gintoki! Gintoki! I-I know IknowwhoitisIKNOWHOITIS!” He’s panicking. </p><p>Thankfully, Gintoki understands him. </p><p>“...Stay where you are, I’m coming over.” The line goes dead. </p><p>Gintoki is coming home. He needs Gintoki now. HeneedsGintokiNOW. </p><p>The doorbell rings. Toushirou runs over without thinking and flings the door open, holding the letter and ring in his hand.</p><p>“Gintoki, I found-!”</p><p>He freezes.</p><p>
  <em> Itou.  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Itou walks into the house, Toushirou does not dare to stop him.</p><p>A chill runs down his back. </p><p>He assesses his options. The front door? No, too far. </p><p>The storeroom? No, he would have to run past Itou to get there. </p><p>The kitchen? No door. </p><p>Bedroom. </p><p>“I know it’s you. Gintoki will be back soon. Whatever you’re planning, he will never let you get away.”</p><p>Itou gives him a strange look, and Toushirou shudders at the slimy feeling. </p><p>“Hijikata, calm down. You called me, not him. I have something to talk to you about.” </p><p>This man was still trying to trick him?  </p><p>He isn’t the naive, gullible man he was years ago. He isn’t the man who got himself kidnapped and his fiancé shot anymore. His heart pangs as he recalls the nasty wound on Gintoki’s chest, right above his heart. The wound he loves to place soft kisses on everyday. </p><p>
  <em> Where is Gintoki?   </em>
</p><p>Itou takes a step towards him and Toushirou snaps back to the present. He takes a deep breath and lets the other man get closer. </p><p>When Itou is within arms length, Toushirou grabs the first thing he could get his hands on and chucks it at the man.</p><p>Before Itou can recover from the shock, Toushirou takes his one chance to escape and runs into the room, but a strong arm wedged itself between the door and pushed the door open.</p><p>Itou grabs his arm, and Toushirou thrashes wildly.  </p><p>“Hijikata, relax! I’m not-”</p><p>“STOP! PLEASE!” Toushirou screams. </p><p>
  <em> Gintoki please save me!  </em>
</p><p>Toushirou fights Itou’s grip. He needs to get away or...or...he doesn’t want to think about what would happen. He can’t go through that again. He would rather die. </p><p>
  <em> Please.  </em>
</p><p>“Gintoki!”</p><p>The hand gripping onto Toushirou suddenly pulls away and he hears Itou cry in pain. </p><p>Toushirou sees beautiful silver hair and red eyes blazing in anger, twisting Itou’s arm. He cries in relief.</p><p>
  <em> Gintoki.  </em>
</p><p>His relief evaporates as Gintoki starts punching Itou, pushing him to the ground. </p><p>
  <em> Wait...Gintoki...he can’t hurt me anymore... </em>
</p><p>Gintoki pulls out something metallic.</p><p>A gun. Toushirou recognises it. Of course he does. He would recognise his missing gun anywhere.</p><p>The gun that was identified as the primary weapon in the recent murder cases. </p><p>Gintoki grips Itou by the collar and aims the gun at his head. The other man is shivering, begging for his life as blood drips down his bruised face. </p><p>
  <em> Gintoki...please. </em>
</p><p>Toushirou watches in horror as Gintoki cocks the gun. </p><p>“It’s...no no no no let me go! I’m here to help!” </p><p>“Gintoki, don’t kill him!” </p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry, Toushirou. </em>
</p><p>Itou hastily pulls out a piece of paper, “Wait. WAIT! PLEASE, read it!”</p><p>Toushirou hears the cock of the gun. </p><p>“...gintoki…”</p><p>“JUST READ THE FUCKING PAPER!” </p><p>“NO!”</p><p>A gunshot goes off and Toushirou closes his eyes. He feels warmth splatter on his face and he sobs, refusing to open his eyes.</p><p><em> I’m sorry, Toushirou. </em> </p><p>He opens his eyes after a moment of silence.</p><p>Toushirou’s heart races. Gin-Gintoki is the killer-he couldn’t breathe. </p><p>
  <em> Where is Gintoki? Did he leave?  </em>
</p><p>He spots the piece of paper held in Itou’s hand. The piece of paper the man desperately held out.</p><p>Toushirou steels himself and moves closer to the carnage, pulling the paper out of the rapidly cooling hands...when he notices the gold ring on Itou’s finger.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><em> And his world stops moving. </em> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>05 May 2019</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Man, 29 years-old, dies during attempt to rescue fiancé </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <em> ...Sakata Gintoki, 29-year old male…  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ...fiancé is an ex-cop...drugged and kidnapped…7 weeks... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ...Sakata rescued his fiancé and confronted the perpetrator...shot him... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ...the perpetrator attempted to shoot the victim before he died, but Sakata pushed him away...bullet hit his heart...died on the spot... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ...victim survived...physical and sexual assault… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ...during investigations, the victim mumbled the words “I love you, Tadashi*,” repeatedly. It is believed that these were Sakata’s last words… </em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Hirokawa Tadashi* is currently undergoing physical treatment and psychological evaluation.</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>*The victim’s name has been changed to protect their identity.</em> </b>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Toushirou drops to his knees as tears stream down his face. </p><p>His mind spins and voices scream in his head. </p><p>Memories collide. </p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry, Toushirou. </em>
</p><p>Gintoki had taken the bullet that was meant to be his. He had died on the spot. </p><p>The gun-the murder weapon-is in his house. The ring on Itou’s hand is gold. </p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry, Toushirou. </em>
</p><p>He remembers the burning hatred for the stranger who fell in love with him and killed the man he <strike>loved </strike>loves. </p><p>He remembers the anger that built up in his heart after the loss of his love, his life, his <em> soulmate </em> . The <em> rage </em> he feels for anyone who fell for him. </p><p>Only Gintoki is allowed to love him- </p><p>
  <em> Gintoki is dead. </em>
</p><p>Only Gintoki is allowed- </p><p>
  <em> Gintokiisdead.  </em>
</p><p>Only Gintoki-</p><p>
  <em> Theringisgold. </em>
</p><p>Gintoki-</p><p>
  <em> Thegunisinhishouse. </em>
</p><p>Gin-</p><p>
  <em> Gintokiisdeadtheringisgoldthegunisinhishouse.  </em>
</p><p>G-</p><p>
  <em> Gintokiisdeadtheringisgoldthegunisinhishousegintokiisdeadtheringisgoldthegunisinhishousegintokiisdeadgintokiisdeadgintokiisdeadgintokiisdeadgintokiisdeadgintokiisdead- </em>
</p><p>The ring he holds is silver, the gun is in his hand, and an innocent man is dead.</p><p>
  <em> I love you, Toushirou. </em>
</p><p>Toushirou screams.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-End-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><strong>*Additional tags (WITH SPOILERS): Major Character Death (occurs before the start of the fic and revealed at the end), Unreliable Narrator, Psychological, no happy ending, Hijikata is not okay, He has a broken heart, and a broken mind.</strong><br/>------------------------------</p><p>Sorry Yamazaki and Itou. I love y’all but you had to go. </p><p>I think you guys might have figured it out midway, but if you didn't, just a few questions to make the connections:</p><p>Did the convos with Yamazaki even happen? Why was he so different at some points? Which parts of his encounters with other people were real and what was just made up in Hijikata’s mind? Why did no one respond directly to Gintoki? Why did Gintoki appear when Toshi needed him?</p><p>The entire thing is from Hijikata’s perspective, so there are a number of gaps in the storyline. I tried to leave little hints in the story along the way, and even though I left certain things up to interpretation, I do have answers to most of them (meaning they’re what I had in mind when writing it). Let me know if there’s any questions, I’ll try my best to answer.</p><p>Just a pointless note, but I wrote this after rewatching Memento and watching Tenet, and I like the "some interactions were just in his head" in Joaquim Phoenix's version of Joker. So I guess this fic was inspired by all 3? But a completely different plot of course. Obv I don’t have that level of writing and creativity, but the movies made me want to try writing something different, even if it’s subpar to that kind of brilliance.</p><p>Thank you for reading and as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts!</p><p>-----------------------------------------------<br/>For fic updates:</p><p>Follow me on Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/curiouskatxx?s=09">@curiouskatxx</a></p><p>Follow me on Tumblr: <a href="https://katgotyourtonguexx.tumblr.com">katgotyourtonguexx</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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